Recently, I saw an article in People about Soleil Moon Frye, who was expecting. You may recall that she and husband Jason Goldberg gave their first daughter three names: Poet Sienna Rose. I wondered what she would be called: Poet doesn’t sound much like a name you’d call a child so I figured people might call her Sienna, a cool name, or possibly Rose, a fairly old-fashioned name. Poet Sienna Rose wound up on a number of “worst celebrity baby name” lists because it seemed pretentious and awkward.
Frye and Goldberg gave their second child three names: Jagger Joseph Blue. I wondered what he would be called until I read the birth announcement more carefully and wondered what she would be called. Neither Jagger nor Joseph seemed much like girl’s names so I thought she might be called Blue. Of course, the problem with Blue is that it suggests “the blues” and “depression.” Because all three names seemed highly problematic for the child, the name went on many “worst celebrity baby name” lists, mine included.
Not surprisingly, Frye and Goldberg came up with three more names for their third child and first son: Lyric Sonny Roads. Again, I wonder what the boy will be called. Lyric refers to the words of a song, but it doesn’t sound much like a name. Sonny is a generic name that’s like naming your son “Boy.” And Roads doesn’t work well as a stand-alone name so this collection of names is another puzzler. Because none of the names works well as a stand-alone name Lyric Sonny Roads is likely to wind up on many “worst celebrity baby name” lists like the other two Frye/Goldberg concoctions.
Frye and Goldberg have used the same basic M.O. for the names they selected for all three children:
-They gave each child three names.
-They selected first names for each child that don’t sound much like names: Poet, Jagger and Lyric. Poet reminds me of “The Artist formerly known as Prince.”
-The selected usable middle names for Poet, but both Jagger and Lyric lack middle names that will work well as “safety names” if they ditch their first names–which I suspect they may do.
-Frye and Goldberg have stuck to their three-name-formula even though the response from pundits and the public has been largely negative about the names they gave their first and second children.
Most kids are embarrassed by everything their parents do by the time they turn 8 or 9. I’m pretty sure the first two Frye/Goldberg kids were embarrassed by their names as soon as they met kids their own age who had “normal” names that didn’t make them seem like complete fruitcakes. It’s likely Lyric will have the same kind of “rude awakening.”
I’m guessing Frye and Goldberg had to tell their first two children “sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never harm you” many times when they came home crying. They will have to repeat the proverb many times for their third child. Too bad it isn’t true. Teasing does hurt and bullying can lead to fists and possibly “sticks and stones” for their first boy, Lyric.
That’s why the Baby Name Police hard giving a ticket to Frye and Goldberg for yet another pretentious name likely to embarrass their child Lyric.