K1: Come up with any new names today?
K2: How could I not? Every national talk show on both coasts wants to know what the latest rumors are (that we’ll be starting).
K1: What’d you come up with?
K2: I launched this whole campaign with North West, so don’t ask me for my next idea. What’s your next idea?
K1: OK, you said North West, so I’ll go with Easton West. And here’s another name: Khrist (y’know—Christ with a K).
K2: Forget about it. I’m the one who’s making an album called “I Am God.”
K1: You are? I mean, you’re not trying to pass yourself off as God—are you?
K2: Not exactly. That’s just the name of my album.
K1: That’s a relief! Now, I have an idea for you. I changed the C in Christ to a K as in Khrist, why don’t you–
K2: –Change the G in God to K? Is that you were going to say?
K1: Good idea! I was just on Leno with Khrist, so why don’t you go on Letterman with Kod?
K2: Wait a minute, isn’t a kod a fish?
K1: No, a cod is a fish. “Kod” is a name that starts with a K that you will be talking about on Letterman.
K2. Right. And since you gave Leno two names, I’m going to give Letterman two names–How about Kod and South West?
K1: Southwest? Isn’t that an airline?
K2: Yeah, and they have a huge PR budget. Think about that. Problem with Northwest was—they got bought out by Delta. No PR budget anymore.
K1: Good thinking. This could be big!
K2: It would even bigger if we could start a bidding war between Southwest–
K1: And SkyWest.
K2: What the heck is SkyWest?
K1: It’s an airline, dummy. We’re trying to set up a bidding war for naming rights!
K2: Never heard of it. So their PR budget can’t be much bigger than Conan’s ratings.
K1: Remember Eastern Airlines? Used to be one of the biggest.
K2: I can barely remember it. No more Eastern; no more PR budget. And I can assure you that Easton never was an airline and never did have a PR budget. So forget about Easton, too.
K1: OK, I got a new name. How about Out.
K2: Out? What’s that supposed to mean?
K1: Out West! Pretty funny, huh?
K2: I get the joke, but there’s no money in that name. Our accountant would laugh us out of his office.
K1: You want money? Here’s a name that’s made out of money: America West.
K2: Is that an airline?
K1: Yup. It’s probably bigger than SkyWest.
K2: If it’s still in operation. Reminds me of Northwest and Eastern. I think it used to be an airline but America West got bought out by U.S. Airways.
K1: I’m getting tired–running out of ideas. How about it honey–would you please turn off the light?
K2: OK with me. Let’s sleep on it. Maybe we’ll come up with something we can use on Kimmel, GMA or “Today,” tomorrow.
*I wrote this post after daydreaming in my Minnetonka, MN office. When I left the office shortly after writing my “daydream” down, I noticed there were no luxury cars in the parking lot (indicating that no flashy celebrities had dropped by to grab an early-evening “nooner” in one of the low-rent offices in my office building. In fact, my beaten-up Subaru was the only car in the parking lot. Hence my daydream, as recounted in this post, was not affected by any sounds I might have “overheard,” because I was the only person left in the whole office building when I wrote this post. (Which is why I called it a “dream.”)
© 2013 Bruce Lansky
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