No Wonder I Hardly Like Any of These Names; They’re Bogan

What’s bogan? According to Sabrina Rogers-Anderson, in an article that appears on Kidspot.com.au, bogan is a “colloquial (mildly derogatory) name for a
a person, generally from an outer suburb of a city or town from a lower socio-economic background, viewed as uncultured; originally typified as wearing a flannelette shirt, black jeans and boots and having a mullet hairstyle. (FYI, Off-putting lower-middle class names are hardly exclusive to Australia. So keep reading for somne  awful names you won’t find on Nameberry.)

That should help prepare you for a list of fairly awful names most of which will give your child a head start towards becoming a slacker or burnout or never bloomer. Intrigued? Here’s the list:

 BOGAN BOY NAMES

  1. Anfernee

When you take an entirely respectable name like Anthony and deform it so it sounds like you’re missing your front teeth, you gots to be bogan.

  1. Ashtyn

This beaut is a top-notch example of the bogan trend that consists in misspelling names to be unique. But this one is a step up given that it’s a twist on the already boganesque name Ashton.

  1. Beejay

There are so many bogue aspects to this one! It’s an initial-name (BJ) that stands for something lewd (do I have to spell it out for you?) and is then spelt out in full. Oh dear.

  1. Cruz

Bogans love celebrity baby names, so this chillax (groan) moniker, chosen by both the Beckhams and Lleyton Hewitt, for their sons is a popular choice.

  1. Haze

Whether it refers to the strain of cannabis known as purple haze or the smoky atmospheric phenomenon, this name is a murky choice.

  1. Holden

What better way to pay tribute to your beloved ute than to name your firstborn after it? If you’re real lucky, he was even conceived in the tray. Now there’s a story for his 21st.

  1. Kash

Ah, a misspell of the already mega-bogan, money-grubbing name Cash. You’d better be ready for a massive five-finger dollar-sign ring and a gold tooth on this kid.

BOGAN GIRL NAMES

  1. Caprice

French for “impulsive change of mind”, Caprice recalls a shiny Holden sedan and a clear-stilettoed stripper all at once. Not the classiest associations to be made with your daughter, but each to their own.

  1. Cheyenne

Meaning “people of a different language” in Sioux, this somehow comes off as more trailer-park chic than elegantly exotic when it’s carried by a bleached blonde who says “youse”.

  1. Jorja

At first glance, this looks like a sexy Spanish name — until you realise it’s just a misspelt version of Georgia. El sigh.

  1. Nevaeh

Heaven spelt backwards. Need I say more?

  1. Princ’ess*

As if naming your daughter Princess isn’t bad enough, you also feel the need to insert a completely random apostrophe in the middle of it? Similar specimens include D’Lilah and Al’xandra, but at least the apostrophe actually replaces a letter in these cases. (NB: that’s what apostrophes do).

*Call your kid Princ’ess and you’re asking for a brat. Source: ThinkStock

  1. Rybekkah

I’ll overlook the gross misspelling of this one and zero in on the use of the double consonant. Why? Are two K’s really better than one? Apparently yes, and two X’s can be too. Just ask Foxx’s parents.

  1. Shiraz

Unless you’re Persian, in which case this is a totally legit first name, you’re just begging to have your daughter labelled Queen of the Bogans. And please don’t even consider naming her sister Chardonnay.

For the full list of bogan names, visit Kidspot.com.au.

Australian and New Zealand Parents Are Prevented from Giving Babies Ridiculous Royal and Religious Names

Parents from Down Under are currently being prevented from giving their babies names likely to subject them to “a lifetime of mockery and ridicule,” to quote the Australian Times. Names to avoid in Australia include the following royal, religious, vain and silly names like these:

Religious: Lord, Glory Hallelujah, New Covernant

Royal: King, Prince, Princess, Royal, Princess Diana

Vain: Wonderful, Beautiful

Silly: Fireman Sam, Honest Mary

Bizarre: Anarchy, Tit

New Zealand’s list of names to avoid is longer and contains a wider variety of pompous royal, religious, political, military titles and other silly monikers, including:

Royal: Majesty, Eminence, King, Queen, Queen Victoria, Prince, Princess, Regal

Noble: Duke, Baron, Knight, Lady

Religious: Lord, Christ, Saint, Eminence, Bishop, Minister,

Military: General, Major, Sargent

Political: Emperor, President, Chief, Justice, H.Q.

Silly: Lucifer, Rogue, Mafia No Fear, 4Real

I’m writing this post because in North America, some of the most pompous names (like King, Prince, Princess and Messiah)are growing rapidly in popularity and are likely to subject huge numbers of children to mockery and ridicule. Some parents are so thrilled with their offspring they pick names their children will never be able to live up to or live down. Are those parents smart enough to pick “normal” middle names. One would hope so, but the odds are against it.