What Kingsley Would Tell his Wife If She Wanted To Name Their Baby Girl Beauquisha Sharice (NSFW)

Baby Name Police_imageI’m writing to announce the appointment of a comic named Kingsley, who wears a faux rabbit-fur aviator hat, as the newest member of the Baby Name Police.  He scolds people who would pick names like Beauquisha Sharice or Acsh’lye or Dashaquitra and uses language I don’t use, because I’m afraid my mother might wash my mouth out with soap.

At a time when baby-naming standards are going downhill thanks to a recent spate of weird names from Soleil Moon Frye and Gwen Stefani and weird recommendations from Nameberry, I’ve decided to expand the Baby Name Police by naming Kingsley to the force.

Though Kingsley was disappointed with the pay, he was happy to learn that a faux rabbit fur aviator hat is the official winter headgear for the force. In a secret ceremony, I taught him the secret handshake and warned him never to use it in public. I’ve asked my mother to review the Baby Name Police etiquette manual with Kingsley so the force doesn’t receive any more bad publicity for “snarky comments.” Unfortunately, I’m not a very good role model in that respect.

To listen to Kingsley’s rant, just click the play arrow.

4 thoughts on “What Kingsley Would Tell his Wife If She Wanted To Name Their Baby Girl Beauquisha Sharice (NSFW)

  1. Bruce, You should’ve warned us that his language was not civil. He was funny and right, though. Unfortunately, these last few generations will not get it and will continue to name their children ridiculous names. It will take the kids with crappy names to grow up and have babies of their own and finally name them Lisa, Robert, Janet, Carrie and Stephen.

    • Dear Lauran, I was worried about Kingsley’s “colorful, four-letter-word laced” language, which is why I labeled the post “NSFW” which means “Not Suitable for Work.” This acronym was used to warn people reading this post in a work setting to turn down the volume on their computer so colleagues nearby won’t visit their cube to look over their shoulder so they can find out what the ___ you are listening to. Truth is, I had never heard of NSFW until I asked a colleague what I should do to post a “warning” that wouldn’t upset anyone. So, I’m sorry you had no idea what NSFW meant, either.

      I decided to send out the post (and video) because I think Kingsley is a very funny guy and his comic rant includes language that is appropriate for use in comedy clubs.

      I want to send out a “message” to readers and potential readers of my post that I write about lots of different aspects of baby naming. You may have read my posts about former boxer Laila Ali. She gave Kim and Kanye a public scolding for giving their daughter a “crazy” name. I often “call out” celebrities (who give their children names likely to embarrass them) and pundits (who recommend names likely to embarrass children of their readers). So, I welcome “outspoken” comments or rants from Kingsley, Laila Ali and Drew Magary of GQ, all of whom I have featured in my posts.

      Kingsley, Laila, Drew and I have all decided to speak truth to ego-trippers and help parents tell the difference between clever, creative names that will be a pleasure for their children and funny or weird names that will be hellish for their children. I have recently created an organization called “The Baby Name Police” that will be commenting on “funny,” “ridiculous,” “outrageous,” or “embarrassing” names in the news so celebrities, pundits and parents will know The Baby Name Police are “on their cases.”

      BTW, I noticed you used a four-letter word in your comment. Of course, I’m not offended. Sometimes four-letter words can be very expressive of our thoughts and feelings. That’s why I like Kingsley’s comic rant. He’s one of the funniest and best baby-name police on the beat. Lauran, I’m writing at length because I suspect you’re not the only reader who won’t know what NSFW means. Sorry about that. But, I’m glad you thought Kingsley “was funny and right.”

      P.S. How do you like the spelling of your name? I’m referring to the “a” in the last syllable of your name. How do you pronounce your name?

  2. Bruce, what four-letter-word did I use? I can’t see it in my post.
    You are right, I don’t know the acronyms.
    Lauran is not my name. Not many people have my first name and nobody has my full name so I don’t use it online. I use names like Lauran or Amy when I’m online. I like the name Laura and Lauren. If I named a daughter I would spell it Lauren not Lauran. I don’t know where I got the Lauran from, I don’t mind it though. I think it looks and sounds phonetically fine.
    I grew up in the 70s and 80s. I looked at my reunion class (225 students) and I was the only one with an unusual name. While I wasn’t popular I was never picked on. People always said they liked my name and wished they had a more unique name.
    My name is from my ancestors. I have seen it in your book of names so it is out there, parents can use it! 🙂 I admire your blog’s mission. There are fashion police, so should there be baby-naming police.
    What do you think of the name Lynnli? It was a character on the tv show, Hart of Dixie. I thought it was super cute sounding but not great looking (spelling forms). I love the names on Hart of Dixie.

  3. Dear Lauran,
    -The first girl I ever liked (when I was about 6 or 7) was named Laura, so I’m partial to that name.
    -Though I sometimes purchase Polo clothing, I never wear anything sporting a big Polo logo. So, I wouldn’t want a name that promoted Ralph Lauren (if I were a woman).
    -No matter what your given name actually is (my given name isn’t Bruce), it’s perfectly fine to pick a variation of your given name or middle name that you like–and use it. Bruce is actually my middle name.
    -Lynnli isn’t my favorite variation of Lynn or Lynne. However, looking at variations of names on the Lynne and Linea pages of 100,000+ Baby Names, the name I like the most rhymes with Lynnli: So, consider: Linley (English) flax meadow. The “ley” suffix takes it out of the category of diminuitive names ending in i, ie, or ee,
    -In your comment you used the word (pardon my French) crappy, which is a form of crap (which by my count has four letters).
    Thanks for sharing.
    Bruce

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s