37 Outrageous Celebrity Baby Names That Illustrate What Not to Do When Naming Your Baby

Kim and Kanye’s choice of North West for their baby girl’s name has caused pundits to blog about other outrageous celebrity baby names. Curious to discover whether there was a consensus among pundits as to which names were the most, well, awful, I Googled tags like “strange,” “weird,” “funny,” “ridiculous,” “crazy,” and “unique” celebrity baby names.

I soon noticed that several sets of parents (Frank and Adelaide Gail Zappa, Jonathan and Deven Davis, Bob Geldof and Paula Yates, Jamie Oliver and Juliette Norton, Soleil Moon Frye and Marc Silverstein) had more than one name on many of the lists. I only included one of Robert Rodriguez and Elizabeth Avellan’s boys names, but mentioned the other three. It’s clear that coming up with notorious names is something all these parents were trying to do (rather than trying to avoid).

By contrast, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West still don’t understand why their fans, the media and the public at large aren’t thrilled by North West. Kim, Kanye, their friends and their relatives have been releasing statements (to the media) claiming that North is an “inspirational” name because it means “the highest power,” “the highest point” or was chosen because their lives are “guided by” the North Star. They are misguided if they think anyone other than friends and relatives will be impressed by this “logic.”

Most people know that north is a point on the compass located midway between east and west—and the farther north you go, the colder it gets. If Kim and Kanye were sailing around the world on a raft and had lost their compass, I would be more likely to believe that the North Star “guides” their lives.

If you want to find out which of the most commonly criticized celebrity baby names are the biggest baby-naming blunders, just count the number of mistakes the celebrity parents made in the process of coming up with each name, using the 10 common baby-naming mistakes listed below:

Ten Common Baby-Naming Mistakes
-It doesn’t sound like a name.
-It doesn’t make a positive impression for the child.
-The first, middle and family names don’t fit well together.
-It doesn’t work particularly well for formal or informal occasions (or both).
-It is a joke which is ultimately at the expense of the baby.
-It is nonsensical.
-It is unclear as to gender.
-It is difficult to pronounce.
-It is difficult to spell.
-It is likely to provoke or invite teasing.

Although any one of the mistakes listed above could be a source of discomfort or annoyance for a child, any name that reflects three or more of these mistakes is going to cause major problems for the child. But don’t be surprised to discover that most of the celebrity baby names listed below exemplify more than half of the ten mistakes!

Boy’s Names

Ahmet Emuukha Rodan Zappa
Parents: Frank and Adelaide Gail Zappa
My first impression: What country did he come from? What language will he speak?

Audio Science Clayton
Parents: Shannyn Sossamon and Dallas Clayton
My first impression: He’ll be instantly stereotyped as a science geek.

Bear Blu Jarecki
Parents: Alicia Silverstone and Christopher Jarecki
My first impression: A depressed plush toy.

Bodhi Ransom Green
Parents: Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green
My first impression: An enlightened hijacker.

Bronx Mowgli Wentz
Parents: Ashlee Simpson and Peter Wentz
My first impression: Apparently, an urban-jungle dweller.

Diezel Ky Braxton-Lewis
Parents: Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis
My first impression: Conceived in a truck-stop parking lot.

Dweezil Zappa
Parents: Frank and Adela Adelaide Gail Zappa
My first impression: What’s a dweezil? What planet did it fall from?

Jermajesty Jackson
Parents: Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza
My first impression: Jermajesty’s first words to his parents: “Bow down and kiss my feet!

Kal-El Coppola Cage
Parents: Nicolas Cage and Alice Kim
My first impression: What a combination: Superman’s father and a brilliant movie director. It boggles the mind.

Kid Duchovny
Parents: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni
My first impression: An unwanted child his parents were too busy to name.

Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa
Parents: Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa
My first impression: He won’t be able to remember, pronounce or spell his entire name until he’s 13.

Pilot “Standard” Inspektor Lee
Parents: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf
My first impression: They found the name in an un-proofed edition of a vintage comic book.

Pirate Howsmon Davis
Parents: Jonathan and Deven Davis
My first impression: A Rastafarian pirate, mon!

Prince Michael “Blanket” II
Parent: Michael Jackson and surrogate mother
My first impression: Which is worse: the ego-tripping royal title or the awful nickname?”

Rogue Joaquin Rodriguez
Robert Rodriguez and Elizabeth Avellan
My first impression: Of all the names they gave their boys (Rebel, Racer, Rocket and Rogue) this one is the worst.

Seven Sirius Benjamin
Parents: Erykah Badu and Andree Benjamin
My First Impression: A channel on Sirius XM satellite radio.

Speck Wildhorse
Parents: John Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin
My first impression: What’s the connection between Speck and Wildhorse?

Zeppelin Howsmon Davis
Parents: Jonathan and Deven Davis
My first impression: Conceived after visiting the Air and Space Museum.

Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
Parents: Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale
My first impression: Imagine finding a baby caveman—in Hollywood. (Great concept for a movie!)

Girl’s Names

Alabama Gypsy Rose Jennings
Parents: Drea de Matteo and Shooter Jennings
My first impression: Sounds like a southern stripper.

Daisy Boo Pamela Oliver
Parents: Jamie Oliver and Juliette Norton
My first impression: She won’t be using baby talk in a few years, but her parents still will.

Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen Zappa
Parents: Frank and Adelaide Gail Zappa
My first impression: When she figures out what her parents did to her (with that name) she’s gonna get even.

Fifi Trixibelle Geldof
Parents: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates
My first impression: The birth announcement didn’t mention she’s a baby girl poodle.

Jagger Joseph Blue Goldberg
Parents: Soleil Moon Frye and Jason Goldberg
My first impression: A swaggering, depressed religious boy with issues.

Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence
Parents: Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates
My first impression: In adolescence, she’ll want to fly away to Neverland to hang out with Peter Pan.

Little Pixie Frou-Frou Geldof
Parents: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates
First impression: The birth announcement didn’t mention she’s a baby girl poodle.

Lyric Sonny Roads Goldberg
Parents: Soleil Moon Frye and Jason Goldberg
My first impression: The parents are picturing a Woody Guthrie or Bob Dylan folksinger.

Mirabella Bunny Adams
Parents: Bryan Adams and Alicia Grimaldi:
My first impression: A plush toy purchased in a beauty salon.

Moon Unit Zappa
Parents: Frank Zappa and Adelaide Gail Zappa
My first impression: R2-D2’s girlfriend.

Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette
Parents: Penn Jillette and Emily Zolten
My first impression: Sounds like a vintage comic-strip character.

North West
Parents: Kanye West and Kim Kardashian
My first impressions: Either a point on the compass or an airline that was acquired by Delta.

Petal Blossom Rainbow Oliver
Parents: Jamie Oliver and Juliette Norton
My first impression: Her parents named her while tripping out in the flower garden.

Poet Sienna Rose Goldberg
Parents: Soleil Moon Frye and Jason Goldberg
My first impression: A pretentious name to appeal to the admissions director of a prestigious private school.

Poppy Honey Rose Oliver
Parents: Jamie Oliver and Juliette Norton
My first impression: Her parents named her while tripping out in the flower garden.

Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson
Parents: Uma Thurman and Arpad Busson
My first impression: Sounds like they opened up a baby-name book and picked five names at random—hoping to find one the child would like.
(Believe it or not, six months after giving her five names, Uma Thurman announced she was going to call her daughter Luna.)

Tu Simone Ayer Morrow
Parents: Rob Morrow and Debbon Ayer
My first impression: Which is worse: Tu Morrow or her mother’s name, Debbon Ayer?

Yamma Noyola Brown
Parents: James Brown and Deidre Jenkins
My first impression: They came up with the name while attending a church service where worshippers speak in tongues.

What to Do When Naming Your Baby
Once you understand just how uncomfortable (and annoying) these baby-naming mistakes can be for a child to live with, Go down the list of mistakes and see how many mistakes each name makes. That will give you a quick way to eliminate names likely to be a burden for your child.

However, sometimes playing it safe can produce a dull name (like Bob or Mary). Make one or two “mistakes” and you could wind up with a more remarkable or memorable name (like Wiley or Rio, both of which are unclear as to gender). But if you make more than one or two mistakes you’re likely to produce a baby-naming disaster (like Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa or Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen Zappa) that are a recognized form of child abuse. (Ultimately, these kind of “jokes” are on the child and on you.)

P.S. This post has recently been added to the Baby Name Police training manual. All recruits are tested on their ability to name all the mistakes embodied in each baby naming blunder listed above. As a result of superior training and vigilance, I’m hoping we’ll be better able to call baby name abuse to the attention of the parents and the general public in the future.

2 thoughts on “37 Outrageous Celebrity Baby Names That Illustrate What Not to Do When Naming Your Baby

  1. Pingback: Stop Complaining About So-Called Weird Baby Names | Bruce Lansky Baby Names in the News

  2. Pingback: Gwen Stefani/ Gavin Rossdale Come Up With Another Colorful Name: Apollo Bowie Flynn | Bruce Lansky Baby Names in the News

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