Rich and Famous Parents Who “Brand” Their Babies Rather than Name Them

Cristina Goyanes’ eye-opening article for Shape magazine puts the “messed-up monikers” favored by Hollywood celebrities into a new light: Apple, North, Blue Ivy and Chastity are “brands.”

Most parents are concerned about picking a name that will be a joy for the parent and child to use. Cristina reports that Hollywood celebrities have a different agenda: they want to brand their child so wherever they are and whatever they do–they’ll be noticed.

Unfortunately, most brands don’t function well as names for human beings. Most brands don’t come with endearing, familiar forms that are readily available. Take Honor: what do you call her when you are tucking her into bed at night or when she wakes up in the middle of the night, scared and crying?

And what happens when Chastity or Bronx show up on the first day of kindergarten or summer camp or college? It’s tough enough to make friends without a brand name that will distance other kids or make your child a target for teasers and bullies.

Kanye West describes North as an “inspirational” name, even though most articles and blogs written about the name call it a “joke.” He says it means “the highest point.” Actually, peak means the highest point. North is just a direction–although as a name combined with West, it represents a fairly high point for bad humor.

It’s hard to imagine corporations picking brand names which create unfavorable impressions for their products. So “messed-up monikers,” like Apple and North, may be brands–but by creating unfavorable impressions, they are counterproductive.

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